As I have wrote before this has been one of the worst summers of my life. Divorce is hard on anyone, especially children. Being a child of divorce also, I had a great role model, my mom, on how to overcome.
This May my dad passed away. It had been 2 or 3 years since I had spoken to him and 20+ years since I had seen him. I have always carried guilt that I haven’t made the relationship work. But this summer I realized I was the child and it isn’t my fault.
Now going through my own divorce, seeing the pain in my children’s eyes, it’s killing me inside. Did I fight hard enough to save a broken relationship? In my eyes, it’s out of my hands. You can’t make someone love you.
I started fishing again, well more then just going to lake and fish. We would go fishing a lot in NW Iowa with our kids, but I started fishing Nebraska again. Being out on the water was like going to church for me. The freedom of no questions, no painful reminders of my life was crumbling.
In August a good friend of mine, let me use his kayak. I felt a new found freedom. Middle of the lake or river. More fish to fish than the bank. More space so no one could see me cry. Adventures on the river, seeing things that you can’t see from bridge or banks!
Kayaking, it saved me. I have lost over 50lbs, it’s helped with my physical therapy do to my EDS, and also it’s helped my soul. Being able to be in nature, closer to God then I have been in years. It’s let me grieve the way I needed.
Go outdoors, it’s been the best therapy money didn’t need to buy.